My Equity Status is Ticking Me Off!!

Hello Everyone --

Something happened this evening that has made me so completely livid that I just want to spit. For AT LEAST the 4th time since moving here, I have lost a role in a show BECAUSE I am Equity. Each time, the role I have been wanted for has been just small enough that the theatre company couldn't justify an Equity Contract...no matter how much they wanted to use me.

THIS SUCKS!!!

In this particular case, the theatre company has been talking to me about this particular show for over a year. Now we get to casting time and it's a no go. I was even invited to the final call-back and then got a call later in the evening explaining the circumstances and why they couldn't use me.

My Equity status is keeping me from working. That's not the way it's supposed to go down. Why am I still Equity if I am not working? I ask myself this question time and time again. Is it worth it to me to hold on to the card? It is becoming a more and more appealing notion to just turn it in. My talent level doesn't decrease without the AEA after my name.

Why did I become an actor in the first place. To act. Not to sit around and get frustrated and dissatisfied because I'm not allowed to work. Someone please explain to me what I'm gaining by being a member of Equity...because I don't see it right now.

Is it this town?

Is it my body type? I'm going to be a character actress no matter what I weigh.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH THE ENTIRE SITUATION.

I don't know what the right decision is.

Crap!

Rachel